How To Argue Smart

It also reminded me of my nearest environment while growing up, as the ones closest to me, more often than not, said things to each other they can never take back.

The lesson of that moment was, conflicts equals pain and suffering.

From my own experience of being a child, plus observing other parents, kids learns by example, not by words.

And so behold Me as I began dating years later, unconsciously repeating the same patterns I once only observed.

If I engaged in an argument, especially within in a relationship, my reaction was to

defend

attack

retreat

disconnect

By falling and getting back up, learning from these experiences, and most importantly doing communication trainings, nervous system regulation practices, working on my trauma triggers and much more, we come to now

where I Still Argue

but smarter.

With more ease

more grace

awareness

compassion

for what is going on within me

and within the person in front me.

So,

while our humanity Heart IQ is maturing

and our family & school outdated educational system begins to teach these essential life skills

let us practice how to

Argue Smarter.

PS: I can talk and share about this topic for days as I love it so much, but let me begin with the 9 most essential tips:

 

1# Create agreements on how to approach and resolve conflicts. Structure will give a clear direction to support the return to love.

 

2# Practice listening and receiving in silence while the other one is sharing. Don't try to fix, give advice, comfort. All you gotta do is listen with your heart open.

 

3# If one begins to blame, shame, judge, emotionally vomit, raise their voice or use profanity, the other one would use PAUSE or STOP, which immediately needs to be honoured by stopping the conversation.

 

4# If you feel triggered and upset, take a walk, use emotional release tools or anything that helps you to discharge before re-starting the conversation.

 

5# Stay with the present. Don't bring up old laundry and stories from the past.

 

6# Do you want to be right or you wanna reconnect? You cannot do both. Keep your heart and mind open, even if you don't agree on everything you hear.

 

7# Remember that tension is connection wanting to happen. An invitation and an opportunity to deepen the love between each other.

 

8# You are both on the same team, remind each other that verbally. Some couples even buy the same sport shirt and hat to wear during a conflict.

 

9# Forgive quickly. We are all do or say hurtful things, but moving on and growing from that place together is what matters the most.

 

Peace and Love.

Nemanja